• When friends and family offer to help, accept their assistance. “Trouble is a part of life, and if you don’t share it, you don’t give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough.” -Dinah Shore.  
• Create a web page to communicate with family and friends about what’s going on with your child.  http://www.caringbridge.org has free, easy-to-create pages that allow you to post updates and photos, and also gives well-wishers a place to post messages of encouragement to you and your family.
• Other parents have been where you are now, and their knowledge, experience, and support can be invaluable.
• If friends or family help with your other children, make sure they know what to do:  post a list of daily routines, lessons, nap times, school and bus schedules on your fridge.  If you have pets, post instructions for when to feed/what to feed, etc.
• Carry a notebook and pen. Use the notebook to record notes and write down questions for the doctor(s) and their answers.  Write down reactions to medications, issues your child may be having, and anything else of importance related to your child's care. It can be very hard to remember things when you’re stressed out and a notebook can help you keep things straight.
• Don’t go to appointments alone, even when you are expecting good news. If a partner/spouse is unavailable, take a friend. When it is good news, celebrate!
• Take photos at the hospital.  Pictures can help you and your child to process and document the experience, and to see the progress that is made.
• Siblings may express their stress at school – let your children’s teachers know what’s going on. Teachers’ understanding and support can really help siblings cope.
• Take advantage of organizations that give sick kids–and their families–practical love and tangible hope.  A few of these are
  • Make A Wish
  • Make A Child Smile
  • Love Quilts
• If your child has to avoid crowds (risk of infection) substitute activities like going to the zoo with getting together with just one or two friends at a time.
• Encourage everyone to wash their hands.  OFTEN.  One mom put a sign up on her front door, so no one would feel offended or singled out.  Carry a small bottle of hand sanitizer with you.

• If your child is crawling or toddling, remove your shoes when you get home from the hospital (or designate one pair as “hospital shoes”) to avoid tracking  germs into your home
• Drawing or stitching scars, ports or “boo-boos” on a doll or stuffed animal can help children cope with these things on their own bodies
• Keep an overnight bag packed with essentials for you, your child, and his siblings.  This is invaluable when you make urgent or unexpected trips to the hospital.  Items to include:  change of clothes, sweater or light jacket, socks, toiletries, notebook and pen, camera, hand cream, chapstick, hard candy, magazine or book, phone and electronics chargers, nutritious snacks, important phone numbers, special toys
• Figure out how many treatments your child will have and fill a jar with that many pebbles.  After each treatment, let the child throw away a pebble.  It helps to see the jar get empty!
• Be assertive.  If you don’t understand something, ask doctors/nurses for more information and/or explanation  
• Read children’s books about cancer with your child (if they’re old enough). Let them “play” their experiences with a doctor’s kit, face mask, etc.
• Tell your spouse you love him/her.  Try to be gentle and kind with each other
• For siblings, try to keep schedules, activities, and routines as "normal" as possible
• If you have an infant, the hospital can often provide you with a breast pump, formula, and/or diapers while you‘re admitted/in-patient
• Don’t argue with doctors or hospital staff in front of your child.  Seeing adults disagree can add to a child's stress
• Ask if the hospital has a Child Life/Play Specialist (or a volunteer) who can stay with your child while you take a shower, get a meal, talk with the doctor, or get some fresh air
• See if your employer has a leave/time donation program to help families during medical emergencies.  Coworkers may be able to donate leave time to you
• Try to keep as much of the sick child and siblings’ routines intact as you can. Lessons, soccer practice, etc, can be a source of “normalcy”
• Be kind to yourself.  Try to get enough sleep, choose healthy foods, take a walk and get some fresh air. Listen to upbeat music.  Discover or rediscover faith. Learn to accept help whenever it’s offered

From: Melanie Goldish, Executive Director — SuperSibs!

• Introduce them by their OWN name (not as “Jimmy’s brother” or “sister”)
• Ask the siblings how THEY’RE doing–and then REALLY listen. (Don’t always ask them for the medical report on their brother or sister. These kids want and need a life outside of cancer too!)

Brother "protecting" sister during chemotherapy

• Be specific about how you can help
  • Babysit the other children, pick them up after school, help with homework
  • Do the laundry
  • Clean the house
  • Do the yardwork
  • Take care of the family pet(s)
  • Pick up out-of-town relatives at the airport
  • Make dinner
  • Help with transportation
  • Run errands:  to the grocery store, to pick up prescriptions
• If your offer to help is refused, try again at another time
• Be a “point person.” This is the person who does most of the phone calling to friends and family, disseminating information and giving updates.
• If you send the sick child a card or give a gift, remember their siblings, too  One friend put together a bag full of small, wrapped presents–so that when the sick child received a gift, mom had something fun for the siblings too
• Giftcards can be extremely helpful–for groceries, gas, takeout meals, cellphone minutes, parking fees, and electronic purchases
• Organize people to make and deliver meals to the family on a regular basis. Use disposable containers that don’t have to be washed or returned.  Meals that can be frozen, and then popped into the oven when needed are very helpful.

• Avoid saying things like:
  • “I know how you feel” (even if you’ve had a child with cancer yourself, everyone’s experience is different)
  • “You are so strong, I know I couldn’t handle this” (what else is a parent supposed to do?)
  • “It’s God’s will/God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” (let the parent initiate spiritual discussions)

• Do say things like:
  • “How are you doing?” (then *listen*)
  • “I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this.”
  • “I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know that I care.”
• Honor the family’s privacy: don’t discuss them with others without their permission
• Organize a fundraiser to help with expenses (but discuss with the parents first)
• If visiting at the hospital:  Ask the parents first as visitors are not always allowed or wanted.  Follow the hospital's hygiene recommendations and always wash your hands before entering a patient room.  Don’t go if you’re not feeling well
• Good stuff to bring parents staying at the hospital:
  • nutritious snacks
  • magazines or books
  • comfortable clothing, such as sweatshirts, sweaters or jackets, socks and/or slippers (hospitals are often cold)
  • If there’s a microwave oven available, soup or meals that don’t need refrigeration
  • An envelope of small currency bills for the hospital cafeteria or snack bar
  • Note cards, nail care products, laundry detergent, hand lotion, light reading materials
  • Offer to spend time with the child so the parent(s) can leave the hospital room for a meal, a walk outdoors, or take a few minutes for a private telephone conversation